


One is too many, but it's never enough

by magical_muke



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Depression, Insecure Michael, M/M, slight eating disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magical_muke/pseuds/magical_muke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael wants to loose weight and Luke really doesn't like that</p>
            </blockquote>





	One is too many, but it's never enough

Luke kept his eyes screwed shut as he listened to the sounds of Michael getting dressed. He giggled quietly at Michael struggling to get his jeans on, hopping around everywhere and purposely making lots of noise to try and wake Luke up.

Luke brought the blanket closer to his face to shield his eyes from the sun and rolled over a few times. He wasn't actually tired, but Michael wanted him to get up and Luke was in the mood to disobey him just for the fun of it. It was kind of like a joke to Luke, because he knew that Michael could get frustrated easily. It may be mean, but it was just friendly messing around and even Michael found it funny, he just wouldn't let it show.

After the sound of a small zip, probably belonging to Michael's jeans, moving up, all noises stopped. The room fell into a ghostly silence and it was slightly uncomfortable for Luke. He figured that Michael was just looking through some drawers, trying to find a shirt to wear or something, so Luke didn't think much of it and just continued to cuddle the blanket.

"Luke?" A soft, sad voice broke the quiet atmosphere with a whisper "do you think I need to loose weight?"

Luke jumped up quickly, eyes snapping open to see his boyfriend stood with teary eyes as he looked at himself in to mirror. "No baby, of course not" Luke answered firmly and Michael sighed.

Luke pulled himself out of bed and wrapped his arms around Michael's bare waist. Michael squirmed against his grip and tried to pull away, but Luke wouldn't let him. "You're beautiful, perfect, amazing, gorgeous, pretty, hot and very adorable" Luke said in between kissing different parts of Michael's body "and don't let anyone, especially yourself, tell you that you aren't"

"Stop" Michael moaned with a giggly voice, continuing to wriggle and try to move away.

"You aren't fat and you definitely don't need to loose weight, ok?" Luke smiled. Michael hummed and nodded, not believing Luke's words but desperately wanting to drop the subject.

\-------

A week later, Michael thankfully hadn't mentioned anything else about his weight. which Luke was definitely glad about, but he was still a little worried about his boyfriend. Luke had been trying his hardest to casually throw compliments in to his sentences, calling Michael beautiful and perfect. Michael didn't agree, but he never tried to argue.

The young couple were still in bed, despite it being 2pm. They had Top Gun playing on their TV, but they weren't paying much attention to it. Luke was way too busy tickling Michael, smiling at his cute boyfriend wriggling all over the bed and giggling loudly. 

Somewhere in between their tickle fight, Michael's shirt rode up a little, revealing his small tummy that Luke was so fond of. Michael didn't seem to notice at first, so Luke didn't say anything about it. They continued to mess around and it gradually came up even higher, but then Michael noticed. He grumbled to himself as he pulled it back down and Luke still said nothing about it, noticing the blush and sad look on his face.

"I need to loose weight" Michael stated plainly. He didn't say it as question like last time, this time it was a fact. It was certain and simple. Michael was telling Luke that he needed to loose weight, not even asking for an opinion.

"You don't" Luke told him, bringing the boy closer and wrapping his arms around him.

"I eat like shit, never exercise and now I'm fat. I need to loose weight" Michael mumbled. His voice was sad and disappointed, but strong at the same time. It made Luke's heart ache and eyes pool with tears, but he wouldn't let them fall, not right now. He needed to be strong for Michael, when Michael can't be strong for himself. That was only one of the many jobs Luke had adopted since he started dating someone so complicated, sensitive in odd ways and insecure but also confident like Michael. Michael needed so much care and Luke had to give him that. He needed to be the stronger one of the two and that was his job, which he had to do for the sake of Michael and himself.

"You're not fat" Luke replied to Michael's comment. A noise came out of Michael's throat, but Luke couldn't recognise what it was. It wasn't a moan, grumble, whimper or anything at all. It was a noise, and Luke didn't know what that noise meant.

"You're perfect, ok? You don't need to change a single thing about yourself, Mikey" Luke informed. Michael nodded, but he had tears in his eyes and Luke could tell he didn't believe a word Luke said.

Luke wanted to argue with Michael's tears, talk until Michael agreed that he was perfect, fight away all Michael's sadness and self-doubt so he didn't have to try himself, but he decided not to. Instead, Luke just held his boyfriend lovingly as he sobbed, almost chewing his lip to death whilst trying not to let his own tears fall. 

Michael continued to cry for a while. He seemed so broken and Luke wondered where it all came from. Michael had always had his insecurities, so had Luke, but Luke had never seen Michael so upset about something like that. Luke was worried, because all of these feeling Michael had never let show very often were suddenly all flying out and Luke didn't know how long Michael had kept them locked away for. 

"I love you" Michael murmured around sobs, using Luke's chest to wipe away a few tears from his wet face.

"I love you too" Luke told him, and he really did. "I love you so, so much"

\-------

"I'm going to loose weight" Michael told Luke as soon as he got in to bed at night a few weeks later. 

Luke swallowed hard. He was hoping that this was just a thing Michael was saying, that he wasn't actually going to do it, just wanted to because he was insecure. But now he was actually going to do it and Luke didn't want him to.

"Oh" was all Luke could manage to answer with. His throat felt tight and his eyes were wet, but he needed to be supportive of his boyfriend.

"Say something more than that" Michael pushed for Luke's approval, playing with the bottom Luke's shirt he was wearing to bed because he didn't want to be shirtless.

"I don't know what to say, Mikey. You don't need to. I don't want you to. But it's your body and I don't really get a say in what you do with it" Luke told him quietly, his voice shaky like his hands that were wrapped around Michael in a tight, protective way.

Michael didn't answer, he just laid still and let Luke play with his hair gently.

After a while of silence, Michael finally spoke up. "Would you hate me? If I lost weight, I mean"

"Of course not, if you really want to, I'll support you" Luke told him truthfully. Luke's support was important to Michael and Luke knew that. If Luke told Michael he couldn't do something, he wouldn't. But Michael clearly really wanted to loose weight and although Luke didn't want him to, he would definitely be supportive of his boyfriend's decision.

Michael hummed in response and buried his face into Luke's chest, moving his head softly to try and silently tell Luke to play with his hair. Luke did, running his hands through Michael's currently blue locks of fluffy hair with a small smile at the soft feeling.

"You've got to promise me a few things if you're going to do this, though" Luke whispered into the silent atmosphere of the dark room. 

Michael almost missed what Luke said, his thoughts invested in too many other things that he wanted to go away, but Luke was the only person who could make negative thoughts leave Michael's brain and he didn't want to give Luke anything else to worry about.

"What sort of things?" Michael asked slowly

"Lots of things" Luke answered. He had all of these worried and concerns running around his head and he needed to know his Mikey was safe, healthy and happy.

"Tell me" Michael pushed, poking Luke's ribs with his tiny fingers and giggling at Luke pressing soft kisses into his forehead.

"Promise that doing this is going to make you feel better about yourself?" Luke asked and gave Michael another kiss, this time on the nose which made him scrunch it up adorably and let out a squeak.

"I promise" Michael murmured quietly

"That you're going to do this in a safe and healthy way?" Luke questioned his boyfriend and kissed his left cheek, again making him scrunch up his face.

"I promise" Michael sighed and rolled his eyes

"You're going to set a sensible goal, and once you get too it you'll stop?" Luke asked. This was his biggest concern, that Michael would start to lose weight, never be satisfied and never stop until he gets so skinny and unhealthy that he can't support his body any more.

"I promise" Michael assured Luke's worries, but it didn't even sound like Michael believed he could keep that promise.

"And if you have any problems, anything at all, you'll tell me" Luke pushed with the finally promise he wanted Michael to make, but again it was one of the most important. If Michael was struggling with something Luke needed to know so that he can help before it's too late.

"Yes, mum, I promise" Michael joked in a sarcastic tone with an eye roll.

"I'm sorry, Mikey. I know I'm being protective, but I'm your boyfriend and it my job. You know that, don't you?" Luke whispered and gave Michael a small peck on his lips.

"Yeah, I know. I love you, Luke. Thank you" Michael replied and Luke didn't quite know what Michael was thanking him for, but he didn't care too much. The important thing was that Luke had helped Michael with something, whatever it was.

"I love you too, beautiful" Luke murmured into Michael's hair just before they both drifted off in to a soft slumber.

\-------

The next morning Michael told Luke about a diet he was going to try. Luke didn't like it. He didn't think that Michael would eat enough if he did it and he felt like an over-protective mother, but he didn't care about that because he needed his Mikey to be healthy and being protective was the only way to make sure that he is.

"It's fine, Luke" Michael assured from the living room. He nodded uneasily and tried to smile, but he felt his eyes become a little teary and he couldn't.

Luke didn't let himself cry, even though he wanted to. He could see Michael was almost crying too, so he left the kitchen and went to sit on the couch with him, putting his boyfriend before himself yet again. But Luke had no choice. Michael needed so much love and support, especially now. He was such a needy person, craving attention and reassurance. He was complicated and could sometimes be a lot of work, but Luke loved him nonetheless.

Luke wrapped an arm tightly around Michael, using his free hand to play with his hair. "You really want to do it?" Luke asked. Michael's happiness was everything to him and he kind of felt like Michael didn't actually want to do it, that he was only doing it because of what other people might think about him.

"Yeah, I do" Michael told him honestly with a small smile as he got up to grab two Xbox controllers. He threw one to Luke, who caught it skilfully and Michael pouted.

"Just make sure to remember all the promises you made, ok?" Luke warned him and let his boyfriend cuddle into his warm chest.

"I'll be fine Luke" Michael promised. Luke didn't properly believe it, but he wanted to and forced himself to trust Michael. Michael was a big boy and he could make his own decisions, it was Luke's job to help and guide him with his decisions, not make them for him.

\-------

For the first two weeks, Michael definitely didn't do the diet properly. He ate more than he should, only cutting down on junk food a little, and he only went to the gym once in a two week period when he should have gone three times a week. Luke was glad, but Michael was frustrated with himself for not doing it the way he's suppose to. He kept doing that thing that Luke hated, where he would insult himself like it was just a joke, but it wasn't. It hurt Luke to hear Michael talk about himself in that way, joke or not.

Luke heard the sound of a loud groan followed by a sob coming from the bathroom and he immediately dropped his phone to run there. He knew that it was something to do with Michael and he needed to be there for his boyfriend. 

Michael had seemed sad lately, he'd been crying a lot at night and Luke though he knew why. Michael already was so sensitive and this diet thing was making it so much worse. Luke hated how sad and insecure it was making him. Michael already had a strong disliking of himself and Luke thought that maybe if Michael lost weight it would help make him happier, but so far it had been doing the opposite.

When Luke reached the bathroom the door was wide open. At first he didn't spot Michael, but then he saw him and he felt his heart clench at the sight of him. Michael was lent against the wall, tears falling from his green eyes quickly and small sniffles escaping his rose red lips as he breathed heavy and uneven breaths.

Luke froze up a little as he felt his eyes begin to well with tears at the sight of his boyfriend crying. He fought them back though, just like he always did. He couldn't cry, because Michael was crying. Michael had let his guard down so Luke needed to raise his own. That was how their relationship worked, one person needs to be strong when the other can't be, and right now Michael can't be strong.

Luke walked other to his boyfriend and softly spun him around so his teary green eyes met Luke's baby blue ones. "What's wrong, Mikey?" Luke whispered as he pulled Michael closer so their foreheads were touching and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"I hate this. I can't do this and I-I'm just so fuckin-" Michael started to speak, chocking on his words mixed in with heavy breaths and quiet sobs.

Luke swallowed hard, because although Michael didn't specify what he was talking about, Luke knew what he was trying to say. His heart ached and he felt his lip begin to draw blood from being bitten too hard.

"You can do this. You're doing really well" Luke told him with a small smile and gave Michael a soft, chaste kiss.

"I've only lost 1 pound in two weeks" Michael stated sadly, pulling back from Luke slightly and looking down at the floor like he was ashamed.

"Better than zero pounds" Luke reminded him with another kiss. He felt like adding 'but you don't need to loose weight anyway', but he decided against it. Michael wouldn't believe him and it wouldn't help anything, so there wasn't really much point. 

"Not much better" Michael mumbled with a head shake and a few more tears dripping down his pale cheeks.

"You should stop doing this diet thing. It's not good for you" Luke told him slowly. He planted a kiss on Michael's wet cheek and moved a few strands of stray hair out of his eyes.

"I've only being doing it for two weeks and it is good for me. I'm fat and I need to loose weight" Michael sighed back in defence. 

Luke paused for a while, his lips split open with so many words wanting to come out but not being sure how to let them all escape. Michael had just said so many things that Luke wanted to argue with, that Luke needed to argue with. He needed to tell Michael how wrong he was, how beautiful the green eyed boy really was and how it killed Luke to see him so sad. But he didn't even know how to start.

"You're not fat, Michael. And this isn't good for you at all, it's making you sad all the time and I hate it. You deserve to be happy and I can tell that you're not. You promised me that doing this would make you feel better about yourself, but it's making you feel worse" Luke spilled out everything. He wasn't sure if he was making sense or not, but Michael's increasing sobs and pink tinted cheeks told Luke that he at least made an effect.

"I'm fine, honestly Luke. Doing this is good for me and it will make me feel better about myself, I promise" Michael sobbed. Luke was about to say something back, but Michael started talking again. "It may be making me sad now, but it's going to help me in the long run. I'm going to start doing it properly and be more strict with myself, so I'll loose it quicker. I'll be a lot happier and more confident with my body once I've lost weight, I promise" he said with a sad choke towards the end.

"Just remember the promises you made, ok?" Luke sighed in agreement. He was so worried about Michael, he really wanted the best for him and he wasn't sure if this was the best. But Luke was going to let Michael try. After all, it wasn't Luke's body, so Luke didn't get to decide what happened to it.

\-------

Michael had definitely started being more strict with himself. He had completely stopped eating junk food and he was even recording the calories of everything he ate. He was suppose to eat 700 a day, but most days Michael only ate 600. He'd started going to the gym too. He went four days that week and he always came back exhausted after working out straight for one and a half hours. It was quite a big change, considering what Michael was doing last week, and Luke didn't like it at all. 

Michael had lost 3 and a half pounds in the past week, which in Luke's opinion was quite a lot, but Michael was still mad at himself and said he wasn't doing good enough. 

Luke's initial worry had continued to grow throughout the the week. He'd been trying to get Michael to eat just a little bit more and convince him to not go to the gym, but Michael wouldn't listen. 

Michael was still as upset as he was last week, in fact it seemed like he hated himself even more. Luke was terrified. There was this voice in his head telling him that this wasn't going to end well, and the sad thing was, Luke believed it. Luke knew that when Michael started something, he didn't stop. Sometimes it was a good thing, like when Michael said 'I'm just going to be in a few of your covers' then ended up being in a band with Luke, but this was different. This was something that could damage Michael's health and would damage Michael's health of he kept doing it when he didn't need to.

But Michael had Luke, and there was no way in hell Luke was ever going to let Michael take this too far. Luke's job as Michael's boyfriend was to look after him, make sure he's healthy and happy, and Luke was committed to that job like a priest was committed to the church.

Michael was at the gym, he'd been there for almost two hours now and he hadn't got back yet. Luke was growing more worried by the second, staring at the clock with wide eyes in await for his boyfriend.

After another half an hour, the door finally opened to reveal a exhausted looking Michael with wet hair from showering a the gym. Michael flopped on to the couch as soon as he got in, his body pressing against Luke's as he laid across his boyfriend's lap.

"You took your time" Luke commented sarcastically. Michael frowned a little, making Luke immediately feel bad. He didn't mean to upset Michael, he was just joking, but Michael took it seriously and he seemed upset now.

"M'sorry" Michael mumbled, his words muffled by Luke's chest that Michael's head was buried in to.

"It's ok. I'm not mad" Luke told him honestly "just worried about you"

"You don't need to be worried" Michael stated without any real emotion in his voice. Luke ran his hands through Michael's hair lovingly with a small smile on his face, but it was forced and anyone with eyes could tell.

"I do. You're overworking yourself" Luke told him. Michael wriggled around on Luke's lap and they both giggled quietly at Michael's head tickling Luke's thighs.

"I'm doing what I'm suppose to do. I'm fine, honestly" Michael smiled. He held on to the top of Luke's shirt as he pulled himself in to an upright position next to Luke.

"You aren't eating enough and you're exercising too much" Luke stated the obvious and pulled Michael on to his lap, giving him a small peck on the lips at the end of his sentence.

"I'm fine" Michael repeated with a firm voice. He definitely didn't think Luke believed him, but Luke didn't say anything else about the topic. Instead he brought Michael's face closer to him and kissed his lips softly. Michael didn't let Luke pull back for a while. He was needy and wanted a lot of attention constantly, especially at times when his mind isn't really in the right place like it had been recently.

"I love you, a lot. Don't ever forget that" Luke whispered and Michael hummed quietly in response. "I'm being serious, Michael. I know you don't always remember how much I really care about you and I know that you doubt yourself a lot, but I really love you and I'm always going to be here for you, you just have to make sure you tell me whenever something's upsetting you" Luke continued and maybe Michael cried, just a little, but that wasn't important information.

\-------

Two months later and nothing was right anymore. Michael barely ate, barely spoke and barely smiled. He always seemed either sad or emotionless. Michael reached his weight goal two weeks ago, but he still thought he was too fat and said that he wanted to loose another stone. Luke tried his hardest to convince him otherwise, but Michael wouldn't listen. He seemed so out of it, like he had complexly ran out of energy and emotion. He cried so much, but he would never tell Luke what was wrong. He didn't do anything other than exercise and he only got about one hour sleep at night. He was only ever intimate with Luke when they cuddled. They didn't do anything romantic anymore and Luke tried not to get mad because he knew that Michael was just working through some things and needed space, but Luke really wanted his boyfriend back. Luke could help Michael and Michael needed Luke to let him help, but he was always so closed off and guarded.

"You need to eat something" Luke instructed to his boyfriend who had been poking his dinner for the past 10 minutes instead of eating it.

Michael shook his head firmly, remaining silent and with his usual straight face that completely lacked emotion. 

"You're depressed" Luke stated for what felt like the millionth time this week "you need to let me help you"

Michael shook his head again, this time with a very small frown on his worryingly pale face.

"Talk to me, please" Luke tried to get Michael to speak, but he wouldn't.

"Eat" Luke told him. Michael pushed the plate away and gave Luke a look as if to silently say 'don't even dare try and get me to eat it, I'm not going to and we both know it'.

"Michael" Luke started with a firm voice "you haven't eaten anything in two days. That's not healthy"

"I'm fine" Michael said. Luke felt warm tears run down his face at the quiet words as soon as they left Michael's mouth. Michael hadn't spoke in over a week, and then when he finally said something all he said was 'I'm fine'. It broke Luke's heart that was almost completely shattered by how sad Michael seemed, because Michael was obviously lying and Luke couldn't handle how upset his boyfriend was.

"You're not. Let me help you" Luke pleaded. Michael shook his head and Luke noticed a small tear trickle down his cheek, but Michael quickly wiped it away.

"Either let me help you or let a therapist help you" Luke spoke with a shakey voice. Michael didn't reply, he just got up and went upstairs silently.

Luke sighed and banged his head on the table, letting tears stream down his face with loud sobs. He pulled on his hair and tried his hardest to distract himself from Michael, but he couldn't. He needed his boyfriend to be happy. He needed his boyfriend to be healthy. He needed to help his boyfriend. But he didn't know how.

Luke sat still like that for about 10 minutes, his head in his hands and tears dripping off his face on to the wooden table. He didn't look up at all, leaving his eyes covered by the blackness of the sleeves on one of Michael's old sweater's that were now too big for him and a little too big for Luke, but Luke still wore them because they were soft and warm, just like Michael used to be. But now Michael was cold and guarded. He wasn't like a human any more. He was just a shell, never really letting any emotion show until he thought he was alone.

Luke hated the way Michael was hiding things. He felt like he didn't even know Michael anymore and there really wasn't any point in carrying on dating him, but Luke could never leave Michael, especially not at a time like right now. It was hard and their relationship was hardly a relationship, but Michael was just going through some things and his head was in a bad state. Luke knew he could help, and he wasn't going to give up until Michael was back to his old, happy, loud, giggly self.

Luke looked up when he felt a pair of eyes watching him. His face was a flustered red like his eyes, his cheeks were wet, hair was tangled and he knew he looked like a complete mess, but he didn't care at all right now. All he could care about was Michael.

Luke's bloodshot eyes met a pair of emerald green ones, also red and irritated from tears. "Luke..." Michael barely whispered with a small voice. He sounded shaky and unsure, his tone of voice matching his upset facial expression. "W-why are you crying?" Michael asked as he began to sob a little again, his lip quivering and his body shaking with heavy breaths.

"M'worried about you" Luke mumbled, sobs falling out of his mouth as he spoke. 

Luke got up and slowly walked over to where Michael was stood in the doorway of the kitchen. Michael wrapped his arms around Luke tightly, practically falling into his grip and clinging on to him like his life depended on it. They both stood in their close embrace for a few minutes, Michael shaking with salty tears falling down his face just like Luke. Michael's body was cold and slightly boney. Luke missed how soft Michael used to be. He loved Michael's cute tummy and he hated Michael's new, almost concave stomach.

"I hate this Lukey. Please make it stop. Please make them stop" Michael sobbed in to Luke's neck with a quiet, broken voice, his trembling body gripping on to Luke even tighter than before as he cried against Luke's back.

"Make who stop?" Luke questioned and tried to keep his voice smooth, but he couldn't. Jagged cries escaped his lips and blended in with Michael's, filling their house with the sound of loud sobs.

"T-the voices" Michael whimpered, like it physically hurt him to say it aloud.

"What do the voices say?" Luke asked with a soft, sympathetic voice as he rubbed on Michael's fragile and bony back with his warm hands.

"They t-tell me that I'm not good enough, that I'm too fat and ugly and that I don't deserve anything. T-they tell me to hurt myself too, and they say that I should die, that I'm annoying people and their lives would be easier if I wasn't here" Michael choked. Luke almost couldn't understand what Michael was saying because his shaky voice was mixed in with so many sobs and heavy breaths that were covering up his actual words. 

"And they s-say that you don't love me. That hurts the most because I love you s-so much and I really need you, but they con-convince me that you don't want me here and that I'm just annoying you" Michael continued. Luke's already shattered heart broke even more and his body physically hurt at the words of doubt coming out of Michael's mouth. Everything made so much more sense now, why Michael was barely talking, barely smiling, barely eating and barely doing anything at all.

"Mikey" Luke spoke in a shaky breathe. He didn't know how to reply. Michael had just said so much and Luke's heart felt basically nonexistent. He couldn't quite grasp the fact that Michael was so depressed and upset. "I know it's hard to ignore them, and I know that they make you believe them, but none of that's true. You're none of the things they tell you, and I definitely do love you. I love you more than anything and I don't think you know how much it's hurting me to see you like this. I miss the old Mikey, the boy who was always laughing and making stupid jokes, the boy who could put a smile on my face no matter what, the boy with the biggest smile I've ever seen that seems to have disappeared now, but it'll come back, and I'm never ever going to leave your side. You'll get through this, and I'll be with you the whole time. The voices will start to get quieter and less convincing until they eventually go away. Listen to my voice instead of them. Listen to me telling you, right here right now, that I do love you and that you are enough" Luke spoke strongly despite the weak feeling in his chest. Michael smiled brightly and Luke couldn't help but copy. He's missed Michael's smile and he was going to bring it back. He was going to bring back the old Michael, no matter how much it took.

"I love you" was all Michael could reply with. It wasn't much, but when it was mixed with the smile on his chapped lips, it was enough to convince Luke that everything was going to be ok.

\-------

Three weeks had past and things were beginning to get just a little bit better. Michael was talking and eating a bit more. He was being more open with Luke, still not completely open but it's better than the closed up and guarded way he used to be. He was starting to get his smile back. It was faint and only appeared sometimes, not very often, but it was there and that meant a lot to Luke.

Luke had spoke to Michael about maybe getting therapy. At first Michael refused, saying that he didn't need it and that he wasn't crazy, but in the end he agreed. Michael really didn't want to go, it made him feel like he was stupid and insane, but he agreed anyway because he wanted Luke to be happy.

Michael cried pretty much the whole way there and Luke hated how he couldn't stop the car to cuddle Michael. He knew Michael was going to be nervous about this, but he was so proud of Michael for at least trying. Luke could tell how badly Michael wanted to get better. Michael had said himself how much he hated being like this, and Michael didn't even realise how bad it was. 

Michael knew there was something wrong, something messed up in his mind, that was pretty obvious, but he didn't think that it was that bad. But it definitely was bad, especially for someone in such a successful band like Michael. The fans were noticing Michael's weight loss, how upset he seemed even in happy situations and how he was barely even interacting with anyone at all. The fans were thinking he was rude because he didn't want to stop for a photo or talk to them, but would they rather their idol be rude or depressed?

Luke and Michael got out of the car quietly, Michael desperately fumbling to find Luke's hand and squeezing it tightly when he finally grasped it. "Are you alright, Mikey" Luke asked. Michael shook his head with a sad expression on his face, making Luke's heart hurt as a single tear fell down his boyfriend's face.

"M'scared. Don't want to go. They're going to all think I'm crazy or something, a-and I'm not" Michael buried his face in to Luke's neck as he spoke and they walked up to the reception desk.

Michael didn't speak to the receptionist, letting Luke answer all questions the blonde woman asked. Michael just tugged on Luke's arm uncomfortably, silently asking to go home but knowing that even if Luke could understand, he would still make Michael stay.

The wait was short, probably no more than 5 minutes until Michael's name was called by a soft voice. Michael refused to let go of Luke's hand, dragging him in to the therapist's office and not giving anyone a choice in what was happening. Michael needed Luke with him and he wasn't going to let Luke leave.

They sat and spoke for the full hour. Both Michael and Luke cried a lot as Michael let out all of these awful feelings, talking about how horrible they were and how much he hated the way he was, inside and out. The female therapist was very kind and he sympathetic eyes proved that she actually acted about Michael and his problems, but Luke expected her to care considering he paid extra so Michael could see the too therapist.

They thanked her at the end of the session and they walked out together, Michael almost falling sleep on Luke's shoulder as they moved slowly. "What did you think, Mikey" Luke asked with a nervous tint to his voice.

"I liked it. This was a good idea" Michael mumbled sleepily. Luke smiled brightly, because he had helped Michael and persuaded Michael to get professional help. This was just the beginning of Michael getting better and Luke knew how hard the process was going to be, but he was going to be with Michael the whole time

"So you're going to carry on going?" Luke double checked. Michael nodded before getting in to the car, falling asleep almost as soon as he'd done up his seatbelt.

\-------

Four months later, everything was ok. Michael was back to his old self, giggling his cute little giggle and full of his stupidly immature jokes that Luke loved. His eyes were brighter and his face was regaining a little colour. He was still a little on the skinny side, but he'd started eating normally again and hopefully he'd gain at least enough weight to make him healthy. He still wasn't very confident in himself, but he had Luke to be confident for him. Things may not be completely perfect, but they never were. Michael was ok, and that was the main thing.


End file.
